Redhead

Okay, my Donuts love flunked me for the nth time now.
Yesterday, I waited there so and so until the mall closes.
Damn... I saw him but he is with his friends.

Okay so what can I do now...
Just stared at him and I almost cry.

This time I have the courage to ask him if i can be friends with him
But he just smiled at me.
YEAHHHHH.

And he said,
"NO"

:D

Come on...thats a total rejection...in my face.
Here and there, rejection.
My life is screwy as me.

Now this is getting serious everyday and nothing seems okay.
I wanna die.
So my phone just blacked out.
Thanks to W595 cell... I became more depress.


I just dont want to talk to anybody right now.
Not my friends, not my suitors.
I just want to talk to myself and God.
Am I so screwy?

Okay thats a fatal joke in my life right now.
I mean, geez its my first time to ask for someone.
And...YEA!

So this is what my suitors felt when i reject them.
Screw me...yea.

Now I cant listen to my phones music.
My LSS...
Yessss my song...
I CAUGHT MYSELF by PARAMORE

Nice, its my song and I thought I should never ask that way again.
T_T damn i wanna cry more.

Okay now...im just looking at the dunkin donut tissue and plastic.
Okay... I'm kinda weird all over.

Okay label me emo whatever?
My life is really spiraling downward!


Down to you
Keep pushing and pulling me
Down to you
But i don't know what i

Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Of you, of you
You're pushing and pulling me
Down to you
But i don't know what i want
No, i don't know what i want

You got it, you got it
Some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic
You're leaving me breathless
I hate this, i hate this
You're not the one i believe in
With god is my witness



Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Of you, of you
You're pushing and pulling me
Down to you
But i don't know what i want
No, i don't know what i want

Don't know what i want
But i know it's not you
Keep pushing and pulling me down
When i know in my heart it's not you

Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Now when i caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought

Of you, i knew
I know in my heart it's not you
I knew
But now i know what i want
I want
I want
Oh no, i should have never thought


OKAAAAAY call me whatever emo loner weirdo...
Im so used to it...

And now all i can do is cry.

Nakakaloko talaga minsan...
Ampangit ng sched ko ngayong LAST sem sa kolehiyo.
6 hrs. break.............
Anoooo ba.

Hahaha.
Hay nako po namaaaaan, ayun ano ba ginawa ko wala naman gaano.
Saya naman ng creative writing namin eh haha.
Tasss gusto ko sana gumalaaaaa kaso ala naman makasama.

Bukas for sure gagala na ako?
Ows?
Geh try natin yang gawain na yan...

Sana magka HANG OVER ako.
Yes para makapag drugs na ako..
Alaaaam mo yun drugs, as in drugssssssss
Para naman sumaya ako kahit papano...penge naman ako niyaaaan!

Uhhhhhhhh badtrip...
Badtrip!
Hahahah...

Wala na ba talaga ako karapatan...
Magkaroon ng kaibigan?
Bakit ba kasi...........andaming hadlang!!!

Minsan natutuwa lang naman ako...tas dali ko pa ata mabaitan sa tao kaya naman pala sinasabi nila sakin tanga ko din?
Huuuuu tanga ba ako?
Geh sabihin niyo na...

Wala na talaga ako tiwala sa mga friendly...
Uhhhh pleaaaase, penge naman ako niyaaaaan?
Penge naman akooooooooooooo?
Konti lang...andamot mo!!!


Haayan tuloy...ang lungkot ko.
Penge naman ng drugs...hahaha geh na gusto ko sumaya!

Hay busy lahat....
Naalala ko tuloy naman tong kanta nato o...

"Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home"

Hahaha.....taena yan.
Oooo bahala na anu tawag sakin.
Minsan hindi talaga patas mundo.

Friends?
Salita lang ba yan...hays.
salita, salita.

Sige nahihirapan na din ako eh.
Para talaga akong nakakulong sa EWAN.
O bakit ba lahat may kinalaman sa NGAYON.
Ano ba yan.


Sana manhid nalang ako.
Papaka manhid nalang ako.
Uhhh iisipin ko manhid ako, manhid ako.

Sige...hahaha ako lang naman din lagi mag isa e!
Walang gustong makipag kita...
Walang nakakaalala...
Walang nag lalaan ng pansin...
Walang nagtatanong...
Walang pakialam...sakin.
Naka ng pating...

Minsan gusto ko makipag kita...
Gusto ko sana makasama mga kaibigan ko na tinuring kaso...
Busy eh, la time.
O di kaya... BAWAL.

Pagka hindi ko inaming malungkot ako
sasabihin...

"Hala dika open."

Pagka naman lagi nako nagsasabi ng problema...

"Putangina yan macie, ang emo mo tigilan mo yan pauso ka!"

Huuuuuu anu ba talaga...
Lagi nalang ako hintay ng hintay
Sa hindi naman dumadating.

Lagi ako nagmamahal eh hindi naman din ako mahal no...


Hay ewan...bakit ba ginagawa ko naman lahat
Kaso taken for granted paden ako.
Anoooo ba penge ng DRUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Ano ba kundi naloko(may iba pala), pinagpalit(sa crush/idol)?
Kundi ginamit(tinuring mong kadugo), pinaglaruan lang(dami pala chix)...
Ano bang klaseng pag ibig to...
Kundi ako mahal,wala ding pakialam...

Malas ko naman...
Kamalasan nga talaga...
MAHAL NA MAHAL MOKO, KAMALASAN!

Yesterday, hallowed and infamous.
Tried to watch myself but DAMN it... hahaha.

Okay this sembreak I've just played around my pRO account and go online reading manga's.
Geez I'm such a lazy ass.
Thats not new, I mean, ME (being such a lazy itsy bitsy paranoid ghost!).

Ohhh and this past FEW weeks I can't sleep.
Theres something inside me that is always worried, i guess.
And I just don't know what kind of feeling is this.

Yesterday...yes.
After school I've decided to go at Sta. Lucia Mall at Cainta.
I just roam around the mall and switch from Robinson's to Sta. Lu and Sta. Lu to Robinson's.
You can see that I'm quite BORED.

Ground floor to the nth floor, boutiques, activity centers...back and forth.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
I just kept walking.

Uhhh I'm like a lost soul (WTF).
I wanted to watch 2012 but I don't know yet.
But I'm sooooooooooo bored and LAZY to buy a ticket?
Hahaha.

So after hours of walking I've decided to eat at Kenny's.
I sat at the corner and started to eat LOL.
While eating I'm just pretty fascinated observing people who eat there.
There are many couples around, some friends and... family.
But it is dominated by lovers BTW.

I ordered a solo piece of chicken with cheesy macroni sidings and a mango juice.
And after 2 hours... of staying there, I did not finished my meal.
IDK why?
Hahaha.
Well after that before my watch strikes 8pm...
I've decided to go at OLA church.

With the help of transportation I reached OLA in 20 minutes.
I just sat outside the church observing.
It looks creepy when its night time.

Hahaha.
And aside from me being alone THERE.
There are people who keeps talking to me whom I don't know.
So maybe its not really safe to stay there any longer.
(which reminds me that I lost my phone there too.)

I roam around the area like a busy bee.
I don't really wanna go home yet.
I just walk,walk,walk...
Then maybe around 9pm I saw Sarah my old friend who lives just nearby the area.

I've decided to walk her home.
She insist that should go home and she can go home alone.
She is worried about me that its too LATE.

Well, I'm quite STUBBORN as you know.
So I walk her home while chatting.
And then I said
"Kumain kana ah pag pasok mo sa bahay haha."
(we're in front of their house.)
She smiled at me and said,
"O sige, kiss ko muna?"
Well I'm not really good at goodbye kisses so I just stared at her.
"Ahhh haha." Ive mumbled.
Well she know me well that i'm a RETARD.
So she kissed me at the chick and waved goodbye.
"Ingat ka mace...".

So I walked alone again giving her a mid smile before I go.
And then I'm just soooo EMPTY.
Hahaha.
Darn it I'm so sad, so lost...
FTW, I'm such an emotional matress.

I texted my bestfriend If I can see him that day.
But I get no response...
Walk, walk, walk...
Reminds me of Avril's song...
"I'm with YOU." with lyrics,
"Take me somewhere else, take me somewhere new
don't know who you are but i'm,
I'm with you..."
LOL.

Then after a while...
I've decided to go home.
It feels so good being ALONE.

You can laugh about it.
^_^

 

            The crashing gut history and my melancholy. Tried to laugh about it. Have you ever love and lost somebody? Regrets, wishes and the line that killed the cat, “If only…”. Then you’ll realize things will never work out. Figured out that forever is just another story. When heaven is just a dream. I can never be like them.

           Now and forever? When all your dreams flunk and all your promises are made to be broken. This is one big mistake. Just like any other. Yes, one of my numerous decisions in life. Sometimes I think my cellular phone is one way to take you out in the nutshell. Behind its benefits in life, it is an evil device at all!  It provokes madness, anger in my eyes. A simple way of communication to spill emotions out of you. Specially, when the line of leaving starts to bug you all night, “I think it is better if we stay as friends.” and tears fall down unconsciously.   Look at those pretty girls, the common have it all spoons. They have everything, waste money, exchange curses and play it easy. Well, look at me. If they knew my story, would they tag along with me? There is nothing in my pocket, talking about hungry artists. But I am just a hungry girl, a nobody in the society. I am screwy and my friends are few. As far as I know, I wish to have a happy life, just a plain portrait of me. Popularity, fame and connections; things people seek. The qualification of being a nice man. To make it sweet and short, the typical politicians. Just like everybody else, there is a different way people treat a famous dirty businessman than a simple priest. So, popularity is indeed the trend today. Who am I? Is it my fault to be a simple dust in this world.  Maybe, it is the reality. Choosing between two lovers. Me, the haunting type and struggles financial problems or she, the perfect skinned model born with all the riches in the world. Is it a hard decision for a guy? I think it is just a piece of cake.  Once upon a broken heart, I am walking straight to death. Giving up on everything; my mind, my body, my soul except my fragile heart. Yes, I am very emotional and it kills me like an avatar in a Nintendo game; losing my favorite game. Oh, dear, letting go. For all the cheesy quotes, sweet whispers and lies. Martyrdom, how I love it. Okay, let go, for the happiness of others. Thinking of thoughts, playing with words. Cutting myself, injecting everything in my head. “How could you do this to me, so gracefully…?” tragedy is eating me up.

            When everything is just a game, I should play it really fast. Faster than my heartbeat. Thinking about their selves, but what about me?  Laments and testaments. Letters bend, love falls to its end. Sentiments without fail, prevails.

She is everything that people trusted. Picky, picky, picky!
Halt!
 Oh how she twist her evil face towards me, I resist and she burned me.
Halt!
Sitting upon the white sleek chair.
Halt, I, question!
My mother is under your norms.
My mother is under your system.
You choose to break us apart.


    Behold the worst accident, here I go, swing my lungs out to let you know how I lavish the torn in my country.
It was a hot day at Katipunan and I randomly arrange the notes scribbled in my handy notebook.
    Waiting for a jeepney. The feet movement and silly look gives the people creepy feelings towards me. Impatient, I soak myself into the sun having a tan."This day is terrible!" I hissed. Wearing a white long sleeved uniform and a black and white checkered skirt; I am wicked with everything I see. This is not a bad day after all, in fact, I manage to scan several pages of my favorite book and indulge the afternoon. At last, I was on a jeep way home; in an old school jeep, not the usual patok jeep with metallic sounds. Along the way
I payed seven pesos and passed to the girl about aged thirty with a pale looking skin while enjoying the moment sitting at the end of the row watching the sun melt the cemented streets. "Ano 'to!? Ano 'to!? Syete lang to ah!" the jeepney driver shouted with intense anger, mind you. "Estudyante po, kasasakay lang galing Katipunan." I instantly defensed myself for the fare. But the driver is really rude to split my nerve in two, "Wala nang syete ngayon! Piso pa! Piso pa walang estu estudyante!" he shouted as if he is the front liner of a rally. Dear, I almost feel the heat of the sun underneath my skin when blurted out, " Ho!? Hindi nyo po ba alam na may magkaibang  bayad and estudyante at senior citizen sa ibang mga pasahero dito? Syete po sa estudyante at eight naman sa ordinaryong pasahero manong!" I swear I roared like a lion. I am still half way to my destination and my hands are really calling for justice. I know its just a piso but it cost a lot to me, this not about money. I believe it is a form of corruption! Hell, it starts with small things! He acts so bossy requesting me again the extra piso and I also insisted that he is absolutely mistaken. We are like ping pong balls having a rally at the court, "Pare pareho na nga po tayong naghihirap ngayon! Bakit ba kailangan mag mamalabis pa po kayo dito. Estudyante nga po ako, hindi ko po kayo binabastos, alam ko ang karapatan ko at kung ano ang katotohanan ngayon kaya po kung hindi tayo magtutulungan at magtitino ano na lang kahihinatnan nitong Pilipinas!? Kaya madaming corrupt!" I spilled out with a loud force and yes, all of the passengers looked at me and whispered with one another. There is silence. Intense silence!
I looked at their faces reading them, they look away and I know they are scared of me to cross my red flaming eyes as if I am a monster inside a jeep. The jeepney driver is in dead silence too. I am not fun of fights, this is my first time freaking out. Well, I know whats right from wrong. When suddenly the girl seated next to me wearing a pink top and a shorty short skirt declared to me, "Alam ko nagtaas na tax ngayon kaya nagtaas na pamasahe." Yes, everything changes, the prices are high, the oil and the heavenly rice! But, wait, not the fare! I frown and looked again at the city street; children crossing, vendors at the street. I realized how much people nowadays are not concern about whats really happening. No, people intend to plead about poverty but not doing anything and hoping for the dreams politicians promised to them! Holding to what I know I walked home with the murmurs in the air inside that jeep. The very first step I proclaim to the people in our house, "Magkano na ba pamasahe ngayon? Diba seven for students fare!" and they all agreed just to check if I am not right. I laid my bag at my bed and throw the garbage inside me in my handy notebook. Sure, it is a hot day, when suddenly the raging rain killed my revengeful heart.